How to Discuss Finances

Mrs. Newlywed and I often talk finances, and we have learned not only about WHAT to communicate about (saving vs. spending, vacation vs. no vacation) but also HOW to communicate about finances. Here are a few important tips to remember while discussing finances.

1. Put all your cards on the table:
There is absolutely no reason to lie, hide the truth, not tell the whole truth or 'forget' about something you spent money on. Everyone has their vices and virtues, and we all spend money on both of them. We are open with each other about all the things we spend money on, even if it's an extra drink or a pack of cigarettes. If you're not honest about money, then you're falling into the trap that 50% of married people fall into. Divorce. Don't do it, just be honest. You'll be surprised at how responsive your husband or wife is about what you spend money on.

2. Make an appointment:
Talking about finances takes time, but more importantly it takes concentration. If you're watching your favorite shows on TV and trying to decide how much to save for the month at the same time, all it can lead to is frustration. You say one thing and your partner doesn't hear you, so you get frustrated that they're not taking it seriously enough. Then they get defensive about being serious about finances, so on and so forth. Make an appointment to discuss money. Make sure both of you have enough time to dedicate to accomplishing what you want to accomplish. It's only fair for both of you.

3. Listening + Thinking + Responding = Hearing
You may think that you know what your spouse is going to say next, because you think you know them very well, but you're wrong. Everyone is complicated and no one is as simple as being predictable. We have to listen to each other and HEAR what they're saying. Like in the movie "White Men Can't Jump" when Wesley Snipes is telling Woody Harrelson that he can "listen" to Jimmi Hendrix, but he can't "hear" Jimmy. It's the same thing with discussing finances with your husband or wife. I can listen to my wife say, "we need to spend less on so and so" but in order to hear her, I have to listen and think! Hearing is listening + thinking + responding. If you're just listening, then you're missing 2/3's of the process.

4. All decisions aren't always mutual:
This may shock you, but in marriage sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do because you know that it's the right thing to do, even though that's not the way you've ever done things before. Yes, it's a shocker. I was terrible with money before and after we met. In order to become better with money, I had to go against my own grain. It's just important to not take your frustrations out on your husband or wife. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.

5. Stick with your decisions & support each other:
Once you've finally discussed your finances, sat down and made a plan that's best for you, then it's important to stick to that plan. You could make the most expansive budget in the history of man, with elaborate equations and compound interest calculations, but if you don't stick to the numbers that it's pretty much useless. If you see your partner not sticking with their part of the decision, it's OK to encourage them and remind them about their responsibilities.

6. Enjoy the fruits of your labor
Make sure to have fun! If you saved for a vacation, when it's time to go then enjoy yourselves together! If you're saving for a down payment on a home, be proud when you sign the check to give to the Realtor. Finances don't always have to be a drag. The point of making a plan is so you can live the financially free life that you want to live, together. Keep that in mind when discussing finances. For each dollar you put towards that vacation now, you're adding another dollar you can spend on those London fish & chips. Well, it's more like $2 that you put away because of the damn British pound.

If there's more insights about discussing finances, feel free to post them in the comments!

Regards,

M